Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
