apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
