I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
