Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
