i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
