there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Of course I have a pirate flag
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
