Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
