Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
