after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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