it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
