I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Everyone says I win the strip club
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
