Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
