Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
