I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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