I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
