Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
