My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
