ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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