I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Buhtt sex?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
