STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
