my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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