a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
