I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
