I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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