i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
