I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Too much gin, very little bucket
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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