i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
