If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Boobs are out for the taking
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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