Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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