hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
