Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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