My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
