Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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