dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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