i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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