Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
