I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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