I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
