Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
