I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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