Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
