I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
