her vagine was all disorganized.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
