Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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