I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
