i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
