beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
