What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
