STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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