I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
