i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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